I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
