I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
