o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
