btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
