She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
