even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
