how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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