I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
