I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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