Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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