Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
