His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
