Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize