I just cut my nipple shaving
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
