College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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