he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
