Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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