i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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