New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize