My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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