So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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