i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
