He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
