new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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