Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
