I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
