dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
