Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
