We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
