Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Randomize
