omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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