Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
