Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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