there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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