apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
