genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
