I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I will be naked everywhere
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
