Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize