I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
