oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
me + whiskey = a bad person
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
FUCK WHALES
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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