Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
