apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
