I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
