I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
