i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize