I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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