We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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