She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
