So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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