I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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