Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
