What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
