david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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