Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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