actually, I'm a sock model
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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