the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
