Do vagina's smell?
this boner is exhausting
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
