just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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