When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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