WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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