would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
