a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Boobs speak an international language.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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