I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
