Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This girl is more easily done than said...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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