I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
