I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize