Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
