looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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