it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
